Praise you in this storm...

A good one for me right now...

Praise you in this Storm Lyrics – Casting Crowns

I was sure by now, that You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away, stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen"and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls, I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls, I raise my hands and praise the God, Who gives and takes away

----Chorus:

I'll praise You in this storm. And I will lift my hands.

For you are who you are, No matter where I am.

Every tear I've cried, You hold in Your hand

You never left my side, And though my heart is torn

I will praise you in this storm-------

I remember when I stumbled in the wind. You heard my cry. You raised me up again

My strength is almost gone. How can I carry on. If I can't find You.

Bridge: I lift my eyes unto the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord. The Maker of Heaven and Earth.

When the Sand Runs Out...

Rascal Flatts - When The Sand Runs Out Lyrics

I spent the morning at an old friend's grave
Flowers and Amazing Grace, he was a good man
He spent his whole life spinnin' his wheels
Never knowin' how the real thing feels

He never took a chance or took the time to dance
And I stood there thinking as I said goodbye
Today is the first day of the rest of my life

(Chorus)
I'm gonna stop lookin' back and start movin' on
And learn how to face my fears
Love with all of my heart, make my mark
I wanna leave something here
Go out on a ledge, with out any net
That's what I'm gonna be about
Yeah I wanna be runnin'
When the sand runs out

'Cause people do it everyday
Promise themselves they're gonna change
I've been there, but I'm changin' from the inside out
That was then and this is now
I'm a new man, yeah, I'm a brand new man
And when they carve my stone they'll write these words
"Here lies a man who lived life for all that its worth"

(Chorus)

I'd go if no one spoke my langauge! (Email to Parents)

So, I made the decision NOT to go with Robin, Carolyn and Danette to a lady’s retreat thing tonight. It’s a bunch of westerners for the most part, and will probably be a great time of sharing, etc - but I just don't feel up to it right now. If no one spoke my language, I might go. Haha.

I was planning to go to a little coffee shop and maybe do a little shopping tonight- but I’m thinking I may just stay right here. I was out most of the day yesterday, and physically, I’m tired! No one is here tonight- it’s just me, in an apartment in the capitol city by myself!!! I have ice cream available, new songs I’ve downloaded from the internet, my Bible. Going out might be fun, but it would mean getting dirty in the rickshaw- and then going to sit somewhere that is probably a lot noisier than here.

You could call if you get this in time and wanted to...

I love you!

~ Elizabeth

Liking the opposite place... (Journal Entry)

So Carolyn (another OneStory team member in the capitol city), Robin and I had a good conversation today. I shared my frustration with the city, and how I loved the village so much. Robin shared how she was more content in the city and how villagel life was a struggle. We talked about how it's hard when one person enjoys something so much, the other person feels guilty becuase they don't enjoy it as much. We talked about how it's probably good that we both enjoy the opposite places because then our "joy" of that place can carry the other one through it, even if they don't fully enjoy it. If we both hated the city, or both hated the village- we might not be able to survive in that place!! It was good to talk about our feelings and learn that we feel the same way just in the opposite places.

Accepting where I am...(Journal Entry)

Deut 1: “See the Lord your God has given you the land. Go up and take possession of it as the Lord, the God of your fathers told you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged…But you were unwilling to go up; you rebelled against the command of the Lord your God. You grumbled…Our brothers have made us lose heart. They say, The people are stronger and taller than we are; the cities are large with walls up to the sky. We even saw the Anakits there. Then I said to you, Do not be terrified; do not be afraid of them. The Lord your God, who is going before you will fight for you, as he did for you in Egypt, before your very eyes, and in the desert. There you saw how the Lord your God carried you, as a father carries his son, al the way you went until you reached this place. In spite of this, you did not trust in the Lord your God, who went ahead of you on your journey…to show you the way you should go…

For me, these verses might read:
See the Lord your God has given you this opportunity and this place- both the hills and the city. Go out and take on what is in front of you. Do not worry about enjoying things or frustrated that you aren’t “suffering.” However, you have had a negative attitude- been overwhelmed by several things, thus you grumbled about where you are…which has made you lose heart for being anywhere right now. You have looked around at the people, the places and felt guilty for being there- but they too are God’s creation- He has put them in front of you- He will take care of them just as He will take care of you. Do not be afraid of them, do not be afraid of FACING the world you are in for these few days. The Lord your God, who is going before you will clear the path for you- as he has done all along the way. You have seen how He has carried you, and kept you safe all the way until this point. Even remembering these things, your attitude still does not reflect these promises and the faithfulness He has shown you…He is showing you the way to go- you might as well walk in it!!!!

And Psalm 51 was the reading for today. David’s psalm…We read that last night at the home meeting too- my goodness, what is God showing me? And then Matthew 6. Well, that’s all about not worrying and treasures in Heaven…is my treasure the village? Where my treasure is, there my heart will be also. I suppose I should consider changing my treasure, otherwise, my heart will always be stuck in those mountains…how will I survive anywhere else? I need to make my treasure the Lord- that way, wherever I go, my heart will follow. I also need not to worry. Right now I am worrying about things that GOD is in control of and already knows the outcome of- I need to trust Him in these things…

I need to accept where I am, and embrace it just as much as I have embraced the village and people back there…Lord, help me do that today.

Fitting in... (Email from Mommy)

Dear Elizabeth,

Thanks for responding. I really and truly AM proud - so very proud of you - for so very many reasons!

I am NOT disappointed in you AT ALL. Don't be disappointed in yourself. Satan condemns, but God convicts and that is a HEALTHY feeling. God is working on YOU - what a privilege - and YOU ARE RESPONDING and grateful - what a beautiful thing. That does not equal "success" by our definition, but our ways are not God's ways. He's not interested in us being "successful," or right, but just being WITH HIM - humbly serving and showing mercy and loving justice.
That is the lesson that we are learning right now too. Looking at some situations in our life right now makes us feel very disappointed indeed and like complete failures too. We know better, but we still feel that way (at least I do!). But what does God want from me - I am trying to let this draw me closer to Him, rather than feeling like I don't deserve His love.

I am not "worried," really, but it is good to know where your head and heart are as much as possible so I can support you - and I consider that a privilege.

I think you would enjoy all the perks of being in the city if you didn't have the project issue hanging on you. What you said about not fitting reminded me of how you felt in college at times. There has to be an answer. I'm not sure what it is, but it is all part of the calling - for you anyway - it's part of the sacrifice to a degree. At least you enjoy being SOMEWHERE (i.e. the village)! (I know, even though you don't fit in there the way you wish you could!).

It seems that all of life is adjusting and trying to fit into where we are. I hate that you are not here! It doesn't seem to fit with me at all. I miss you terribly, and I can't fathom you being away as long as you plan to be - BUT it's okay - somehow it's okay because I know it is the right thing.
I guess those are enough random thoughts for one day!
I love you so much,
Mommy

Just want to cry for hours...

(This is written after we left the village...we went to the capitol city to meet with some families doing OneStory projects and for a break...)

The home group thing went well tonight- but basically, right now, I just don’t enjoy being around believers or something….I can’t figure it out. I felt very alone tonight- even amidst other Workers. I heard them talking about how they wish certain restaurants would come to the city and how they take advantage of the nice things of the city, and I felt very strange for ‘not liking’ or not fully enjoying them. I didn’t say anything, just observed and listened, but felt out of the loop and the odd one out. I do enjoy ice cream etc, it’s just not where I’d prefer to be- is that wrong? No. Do I need to work on really enjoying being here, yeah, probably….but is it okay to miss the village too? Yeah, but not to the point where I can’t fully enjoy these things….? Back and forth. I did certainly gain from the story tonight (David’s lesson from Nathan!), but didn’t necessarily gain from the fellowship…

Anyway….I feel like God IS working on me, and it’s good, but it’s hard too…and I don’t truly want to face it I think…..ugh…..

Even though the situation with our project REALLY ISN’T that big of a deal, and these questions that are coming up (to live in the city or the village being the main one), are coming up at a good time, I feel like I’m blaming a lot of my frustration on that. I had tears in my eyes when they were discussing some stuff with us. It's hard to think we may not be able to live in the village...

But then I ask, “Are you willing to live wherever and do whatever for this project?” I say “yes”- and realize that yeah, the village may not be the best place….although I’d imagine we’d be taking trips out there and probably to other villages too. I don’t know – it’s all just unknown and “out of my control” which you know I don’t like. It always amazes me that I like to be in control and perfectionist- and in that way, how in the world did I end up here and in this work? Where nothing is certain, everything is out of my control, nothing is perfect, etc…

UGH- I just want to cry for hours and be away from everyone for a week- I don’t remember a time when I’ve felt like this before….or what to do to get out of it. I’m glad you’re there…and email works. I’m really fine- please don’t worry….on the surface things are good….you and God are the only ones who know that I could use some extra prayer right now!!!

Anyway, have a wonderful day.

~ Elizabeth

A Typical day, among other things - (Email Update)

Email Update February 18, 2006 (picture, eating saag- green vegetables and chapatti (tortilla type bread) on a dirt floor!)

1) Mailing Address- It would be best to send things BY March 25th!

2) A Typical Day…Living out my ‘life-long’ dream! (in a place where daily life isn’t necessarily in the best of conditions!)

3) Being Here = “A Wonderful Privilege”

4) Schedule

1) Address- please write!
We are going to be back in Thailand for our 6 month training from April 2-April 22. If you would like to send me anything, below is an address you can use. Things generally take about 2-3 weeks from the U.S.- so to be safe, a rough date to send things by would be March 25. I would love to hear from you!
(address omitted for security reasons)

2) A Typical Day
It’s hard to describe a typical day since there are only a few things that are the same each day. Most days something out of the ordinary happens. Below is a list of activities we engage in- some on a daily basis, some occasionally…
* Listening to people ring bells and blow horns (made from a large shell) as they recite memorized prayers to their gods.
* Shooing flies out of our room with my scarf (we counted 220 of them in our room one day!)
* Sleeping on a table
* Using our water instead of toilet paper
* Being asked by children, and their parents to take their picture
* Using chai (tea) in our cups as a fly trap (I caught 24 flies in my chai one day!)
* Making a fire and heating water for face-washing or a bath
* Drinking water with dirt in it… (we found letting it settle on the bottom helps)
* Not checking email (there’s no internet here- because there’s no land-line phone here)
* Feeling like I have friends here! (even if for the most part they are either under 10 years of age or so old they can’t remember how old they are!)
* Observing people look down on others, for reasons I haven’t figured out yet and when I ask the response is, “It’s our rule, our religion…
* Being misunderstood (they get confused with what we say, we get confused with what they say).
* Not having electricity (because that’s just the nature of the country we’re in!)
* Carrying a bucket of water on my head because no water came (The reason? The pipes might be clogged, the pump broke, or just because). (And what’s the reason for carrying the bucket on my head?- how else would you carry it?)
* Being stood over by an old woman, an inch away from me, as she listens to a phone conversation in English. And then she yells “how are you,” in her language to the person on the other end of the phone
* Sweeping our room with a short hand-broom made from pine needles
* Hearing people say, “you should live here!”
* Taking a bath (this one is usually about once a week or so, and then only about half a bucket of water is used- why? Because you don’t need more than that!
* Chasing monkeys through the field
* Walking on a skinny trail down the mountain, carrying branches on my head, for the cow and goats to eat
* Hearing people say, “You know a lot of our language!”
* And one more. This is a quote from a book I read recently about an M (cross-cultural worker) who worked in the south of this country. The M’s daughter said this when visiting her: “I felt like an animal in a zoo, with curious faces pressed constantly against the screening which formed the top half of the walls. Never have I seen people with such penetrating, inquisitive, bold stares!”
- This quote describes our life- except that there aren’t any screens in our “zoo!”

Being Here = “A Wonderful Privilege”
I’m blessed by God’s grace to truly enjoy being here with these people and feel a deep sense of peace and even happiness just being here. While I haven’t yet directly been able to tell the “Gentiles” about the His “endless treasures,” I look forward to that day. Below are some verses that seem to describe my feelings at the present time. They are taken from Ephesians- Robin and I have been studying as part of our Sunday worship!

“By God’s special favor and mighty power, I have been given the wonderful privilege of serving him by spreading this Good News...I was chosen for this special joy of telling the Gentiles about the endless treasures available to them in Christ.” ~ Ephesians 3:7-8

Schedule
Feb 20-28- Capital city- meeting with two other families doing Epic projects, for fellowship and to gain more insight about our work. Robin and I will also be going to my friend’s wedding.
March 8-28- Village- Language learning, cultural study, building relationships
April 2-22- Thailand- Training

P & P
* Praise that we’ve been able to have focused language learning time in the village
* Praise that I feel ‘at home’ here and enjoy life here very much!
* Praise that we’ve been healthy for the most part
* Praise for good relationships with the upper caste families and for several encounters with the lower caste people
* Prayer that our time in the capital is encouraging and restful
* Prayer that we might be able to meet the sister of the family we live with in the village- who is studying right now in the capital city!
* Prayer for safety while traveling to/from the capital and to/from the village

For the Least Reached,

~ Elizabeth

Wish I had this attitude more often!

“Can you come help me put grass inside because it’s going to rain…” Chachi (Aunty) asked me.
Even though I was in the middle of studying, I saw it as an opportunity to help and connect with Chachi and probably have another adventure! I told her I’d come up soon. After a few minutes, I went up to where the cow and goats stay- at Diksha’s house. I started moving three huge bushels of hay, straw and grass, little by little, climbing up steps and handing them to Chachi as she put them further inside the “barn.” I felt as if I was back working in the stables. Later, I told Robin, “It was like workign in the stables in America, except there, I was able to take a shower and get clean afterwards!”

Anyway, my arms are scrapped up and my clothes have little thorn things in them…for what? For time taken away from studying, for energy wasted on work that isn’t even mine and for an animal that these people worship?

No, it was for a woman who has a lot of other work to do, and needs help. For a chance to build a relationship. For a chance to love even when I had other things to do and perhaps didn’t really want to. For a chance to show Jesus.

My only regret…I only wish I would act this way and have this attitude more often.

A Valentine's Day to Remember! (Journal Entry)

“Umm, Elizabeth?” Robin said
“Yeah?” I replied
“There’s a really big spider in here…”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah…”

I went in to check out and sure enough, there was a fairly large spider on the wall over Robin’s bed. It wasn’t the largest one I’ve ever seen here, but one of the bigger ones for sure. It took us about a half hour to decide what to do. We had a few options.
1) Use a flip flop- but that meant you’d have to get pretty close to it.
2) smash it with a big stick- but that would mean finding a stick by which time he might be gone
3) using a broom to pinpoint him and then drag him across the wall to the door- but there was the chance he could fall on the bed…

We went with number 3. Robin moved her blankets and stuff, I got the broom. Now, a broom here is about 2 feet long- you bend down and sweep- it’s not done standing up like one would think a broom would be used back home. Anyway, I got on Robin’s bed, on my knees and practiced jabbing the wall a few times and then went for the spider. I got it, but it escaped the broom and ran along the wall a little ways. Robin and I both jumped- I realized the broom wasn’t going to work, so I grabbed my flip-flop and tried to hit him on the wall- I missed, he fell down on the bed, I raised the flip flop up really high and pounded him! Got him!

I pushed him to the edge of the bed and on the flop and swept him out! Yes! Oh, but wait- there was another one- a little smaller, but yes, another “friend” right up there on the wall. I hit him with the flip flop, he fell on the bed, I smashed him too- Yes! Later, Robin found a third, but smaller spider on her picture frame!

So, we figured out a technique to get rid of most of the flies, but now we have spiders. Hmm…I think I’d take the flies over the spiders…

Shortly, after dealing with the spiders, Robin and I heard, “Yuu, Yuu, Yuuu….” Yup, the monkeys had come. We have come to learn a few of the mountain calls the people make, and that one means monkeys! We went out and sure enough, there were lots of monkeys running around in the fields and gardens and on people’s houses! Robin and I got some rocks and I grabbed a stick- we started yelling, “Yuu, Yuu, Yuu” in as deep a voice as we could and started running towards wherever there were little brown creatures! Tuffy, the dog came with us! Chachi called out, “Over here, over here!” We went and found some moving targets to try and hit! In the trees, on the ground, jumping here and there- monkeys were everywhere!

We spent the next hour or so trying to get the monkeys away from the house- Robin and I took turns watching for them when the other one went to the language session. Chachi asked us to watch while she made food, then she watched while we ate, then we watched again while she ate. All afternoon, one of us was keeping a watch and just when you though they were gone, another one would creep up and get a lemon off the lemon tree!!!

It is quite entertaining and tiring actually. Robin and I were worn out after all that. But I was thinking, if this were really my home and my garden and those were my fields and randomly monkeys came and ate lots of the plants, how would I feel? I would feel angry, and would want to do something…yet, these people yell, scream and chase the monkeys for a short time and then go on to other work, basically giving up. How much can you do? It’s a losing battle? I suppose if some crops can grow between the monkey visits, it’s okay? I’m impressed with their patience and endurance to put up with the monkeys!

We figured we’d had enough action and stories to tell for one day, but there were a few more things that were to happen before the day was done. Robin was washing clothes and I cam over to fill up my water bottle…She had just gotten more water to rinse the clothes.
“Um, I wouldn’t get drinking water right now…” She said.
“Why?”
“Well- this water is really dirty…”
(Background- we have become accustomed to drinking water with dirt in it- we just let it settle on the bottom before drinking it).
I looked in the bucket- It only had about 5 inches of water in it, but I couldn’t see the bottom at all- it was basically muddy water.
“Oh…”
We weren’t sure what to do- we told Aunty, but she didn’t seem to mind, just told us to leave the water sitting for a while and the dirt would go to the bottom. We did do that, but this water was so dirty and stirred up that even after 20 minutes there was pretty much no difference in the way the water looked. Robin did realize that using her washcloth would help strain out some of the dirt to filter the water. She offered to let me use some of that filtered water for drinking, but I decided to wait.

Previous to the clothes washing, we had shooed all the flies out of the room and closed the door to keep them out- we have found that when evening comes, the flies like to go inside where it’s warm- so if we shut the door before it gets too cold outside, the flies can’t come in when they want to escape the cold and they have to go find somewhere else!

So, during the water episode, I went back in the room and came back to Robin…
“Um…we have another little problem…”
“What?”
“There is a ton of smoke in the room. I’m not sure if I should open the door because of the flies, or what…I couldn’t make a decision without the other half of Team Grass…”
“Is there a fire in there?”
“A fire!? I didn’t even think about that! I’ll go check!!”

It turned out that there wasn’t a fire, and we decided to keep the door open for a while to air out the room and deal with the flies later. We’re not 100% sure what the smoke was from. After all that, both Robin and I felt we’d had enough adventures for one day, and also felt completely worn out- we decided to watch a movie…besides it was Valentine’s Day too!!!

Just fyi, later that night, the dirty water situation seemed a little clearer and so we drank it. And today, it’s much better- God provides for all of our needs.

A verse I want to commit to memory:
“By God’s special favor and mighty power, I have been given the wonderful privilege of serving him by spreading this Good News.”
~ Ephesians 3:7

No water... (Journal Entry)

This morning I went on an adventure! No water had come to the tap, so Joyti and I went to another tap to fetch water.
“Do you want to come?” Joyti asked
“Yes!”
“Okay.”
“Where’s my bucket? I’ll bring water too!” I said.
“No, that’s okay- it’s too heavy for you…”
“What? Give me a bucket, I’ll bring water!”

So she gave me a bucket, and we were off- down a skinny trail not far, about 5 minute walk to another tap. There were a bunch of lower caste girls there when we arrived. It seemed they all of the sudden were finished when we got there- perhaps they were, or perhaps they were moving out of the way for the upper caste people to get their water first.

Some of them left, some stayed to watch how I was going to manage the bucket of water- which I planned to carry on my head- just like everyone else. I took a few pictures of them while Joyti filled my bucket. I asked Joyti to take a picture of me with them, and she did, but didn’t smile much while doing it.

Finally our buckets were filled and Joyti put hers on her head. I rolled up my duputta, placed it on my head and lifted the bucket to my head. Three little girls were watching me- I was just as curious as they were, as to how I was going to manage it! As I lifted the bucket to my head, the duputta slid off! I had to put the bucket down and re-position the duputta on my head. They tried not to laugh at me! The second time, I was more successful in getting the bucket on top of the duputta before it fell off! And I followed Joyti- I didn’t realize until a little while on the path that the three little girls were not more than two steps behind me! When we got back to the house, I asked Joyti to take a few more pictures which she did- I think she enjoyed their smiles…It was overall a good experience and another connection with the lower caste girls.

No soap for you! (Journal Entry)

When I fasted the first time, I was outside washing something with soap and Joyti came over to me and said, “No soap- when you fast, you don’t use soap…” I wasn’t about to refrain from using soap all day, so I told her that our fasts were different. She was fasting for her god, I was fasting for my God- and my God didn’t care if I used soap or not!!! I was half joking with her. My fast is also different because I don’t eat anything whereas they eat roti and dahi- and other ‘natural’ things. They also usually eat again in the evening. I don’t eat until the next day. They weren't surprised at my fast, but were surprised I didn’t eat anything and that I fast the entire day until the next day. I’m trying to connect with the culture, and fit it, but still have some differences…I think in this one area, somehow, in someway, I’ve found a blanace...

Discrimination (journal entry)

More on the language learning side of things…Not only does the verb change according to object, but I think it changes depending on how it’s used. For example, the past tense of “cut” could be different depending on if you say, “I cut” or “I cut a tomatoe.” And, I learned that if you say, “Last night, I dreamed”- the ending on the verb “dream” depends on if what you saw in your dream was a ‘female’ thing or a ‘masculine’ thing! My goodness!

I wrote down a whole list of things today and tried to gain some kind of understanding as to when verb endings are one way as opposed to another way. That merely presented me with a whole bunch of new verb endings that I hadn’t even heard before. I’m not sure how to go about figuring it out…

Somehow today, and yesterday, I’ve felt a little “down." I'm not unhappy about being here, not frustrated with language learning or anything in particulair. I can just tell my mood is a little less thrilled than it had been. I’m not sure why, but pray that my enthusiasm would return. The thoughts of “I want to leave” have not entered my head at all. It’s not about not liking here, or the people or the food, etc…I’m not sure what it is, but hopefully, it will go away.

This morning Robin counted over 220 flies in our room…I recorded the flies with the Mp3 player…We are pretty sure the one batch had babies because at night there are a ton more sleeping on parts of the ceiling where previously there hadn’t been any flights sleeping. Plus, they seem quicker than their parents- this time you might have to hit the fly-swatter twice before getting one. We are trying to figure out what animals eat flies and figure we’ll get some pets along next time we come back to the village. We’ve also thought about mosquito nets…We re-read the section of the plagues and it said there were ‘swarms’ of flies on all the Egyptians. We figure we’re still better off than they were, but figure we’ve got at least one swarm in here with us. Anyway, we were told at our storying training that we should try to internalize the stories---I think we’ve got this once down…

Today, a woman from the lower caste came over and asked for sugar. Chachi brought some out in a tin cup for her. The woman kneeled down at Chachi’s feet, tossed some money on the ground and laid out a handkerchief on the ground. Chachi poured the sugar into the handkerchief. She half-way knelt down, the woman picked up the money and tossed it then into Chachi’s hands. I’m not sure if that is the way things are done here or if they changed things because I was watching…

And two nights ago when Joyti was here, we were both in the kitchen. Chachi came in with a bunch of sticks for the fire. I moved slightly towards the “Cooking” area of the kitchen and she said, “No, move over there, you can’t go over to that side…” Joyti looked at me and said, “I’m sitting here, and she didn’t say anything…hmm.” Typically, it’s the lower caste and kids that can’t do certain things or go in certain places….apparently we are considered lower caste, though I think because we are foreigners we are also somewhat outside the system altogether. Anyway, I’m not sure if Joyti was really surprised by her mother’s comment or if she was trying to make me feel better. I wasn't sure exactly how to feel...it was a little strange and unexpected.

Flies in language session (Journal Entry)

Today Deepa (Dee) was in the middle of a saying a sentence and threw her hands down on her knee because of the amount of flies- by doing that, she killed two of them. By the time my language session was finished, she had killed about 10 files with her hands, just by hitting her knee. She said that Rahul (her son) had wiped his nose there, so that was why there were so many flies!

Eating grass... and Frisbee (Journal Entry)

“…Does it seem a small thing to you that the God of Israel has chosen you from among all the people of Israel to be near him as you serve in the Lord’s Tabernacle and to stand before the people to minister to them? ~ Numbers 16:9

“For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.” ~ 1 Timothy 4:8

We didn’t have electricity from yesterday afternoon around 2pm until this afternoon around 2…nearly 24 hours. Our computer batteries were dead pretty soon and so we were left with whatever work we had that didn’t involve computers, or electricity. That wasn’t a whole lot! I read the readings in the chronological bible for March 1-5. After Bible reading, I went through my pictures and recited as much as I could remember without listening to Deepa’s recordings. I was impressed with how much I remembered!

After studying, Robin and I ate lunch. We had “hari-saag” which is grass. Oh my, it was one of the worst meals I’ve ever had to eat, probably in my entire life. Basically, I put it in my mouth and tried to get it down my throat without tasting it. Robin also didn’t like it. When Chachi asked us how it was, I told her, “strange.” We didn’t want to tell her we liked it, or even that it was okay. But to tell her it’s not good wouldn’t have been right either. “Strange” is a great word to describe something you don’t’ think is good, but can’t say is bad either. She understood what we meant and said, “I wont’ make ‘strange’ again.” I felt bad, but glad that she knows we don’t like it. Otherwise, it’s possible we’d have it every day!!! Once in a blue moon is okay…and yes, if we had it every day, we’d probably end up liking it….but I’m sure it would take a while!!!

After lunch, I went to Deepa’s for my language session. I can tell the steps it takes to make chai (18 steps!) and washing clothes (10 steps) in Kahani! I can tell it with all the different pronouns too!!! I’m impressed with myself and happy with my progress. I didn’t expect to learn that quickly…now I have to find more things to learn for the next week! (Picture - Deepa, Golu and me - studying Kahani!)

After that, Bea came over and I watched her jump rope for a little while. I swung the kids around in the air a few times. Then I decided to get the Frisbee out. They had no idea what to do with it! It was wonderful to be able to teach them and how much they seemed to enjoy it. They were pretty good too- catching it most of the time. I think these kids here are a lot less afraid of getting hurt than kids in America. I know they have a much higher tolerance for pain. It was nice to play with them!

Tomorrow I am going to fast again. The first time I fasted, I was somewhat in a cranky mood because I was so hungry. The second time I spent more time in prayer and the Word, and must say I that while I physically felt weak, I wasn't hungry at all…cool how that works huh?

"Delight yourself..."

“Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of you heart.” ~Psalm 37:4
I feel as if I am delighting in the Lord, and He has given me the desires of my heart…what a great feeling!!!

Falling in love...(Journal Entry)

I’m afraid I’m falling in love with these people. I’m afraid I’m really enjoying living life here. I’m afraid I am allowing myself to be so caught up with things here I may not remember life back home. I’m afraid I might want to live here for a longer period of time. I’m afraid of what that might mean for me, what I might be committing to if that were the case…I’m afraid of what my parents would think and say. I’m afraid to even share it with anyone, because I myself don’t know what lies ahead and I want to be available for whatever my Father may call me to.

Why am I afraid? I think because of something Mommy said…I’m afraid that all of the sudden I won’t love these people. I won’t enjoy life and won’t be caught up with things here. I will actually not want to engage the work here and will want to return home. Yes, I know that might happen…and yes, I’m afraid of that too…I guess, I’m afraid because the more I like it and the more I fall in love with the people here, the worse it will be when I fall “out of love” with them. Mommy has also said that I’m a one-tract/100% person. I can do lots of things at one time, but when it comes down to it, if I’m doing more than one thing at a time, I can’t do any one thing well. I have to be able to focus my energies on one task, one place, one people. I need to be free to do that- and I feel like I can do that here.

We just returned from the “jungle” the forest, carrying small bundles of branches on our heads! The village people of course, carry HUGE bundles, but they gave us little ones because the path is curvy and we might slip and fall. I did slip a few times, but didn’t fall. My arms are sore, I’m pretty dirty (in spite of the bath I took this morning!). My clothes, which I had also just put on this morning, are now dirty too. (Generally, I can go nearly a week without a bath, and my clothes too can go about that long!). Hmm…and I love it here? Call me strange… “annakasai” is the Kahani word for strange. It was my favorite word the first two weeks we were here! I think I now fit that category.

Another thing I’m afraid of is that I will love these people and this culture so much I will do everything and anything to “Fit in." But, no matter what, I never will. That thought nearly brings tears to my eyes. I know it shouldn’t. God made me different, for purposes I don’t even know yet…but still, I long to know their language, their culture, their way of life. And yet no matter how hard I try, no matter how long I stay here, no matter what I do or say, I will never know their language or their culture or their way of life fully. And that’s okay. Part of me screams out, “no it’s not!!!!” But the sane part of me says, “yes it is…do what you can, but accept it and don’t dwell on it!”

I find myself laughing a lot more these days…Robin seems to be laughing a lot too. Having someone to share things with, and who laughs at cultural things that could otherwise be frustrating can bring one great joy! This is a quality my future husband should have. He should be able to laugh a lot at situations that might otherwise be annoying or frustrating – but then also have wisdom to know when not to laugh! A fine line I’m finding…but still, when you’re on the laughing side, it’s great!

Anyway, I’m thankful that I am enjoying life here! Like I wrote to my brother, I’m not sure how long it will last- but I pray that it lasts for a long time, if not forever…I pray that you, Lord continue to give me grace and mercy to really love these people with your love. I pray that you show me what purpose you have for me as I live here – not just in these two years, but in the years to come…May I be open to your plans for me, whatever they may be. I love you Jesus. Amen.

P.S. I feel so distraught. I feel so torn. I feel like this can’t be the same world as America- my “home.” I feel like how can these two very different places exist in the same universe? I feel so afraid of going back “home” even now, only six months over here. How will I feel in 2 years? I feel so strange right now- as if I’m really in a dream. It’s a good dream, but part of me feels that I’ll wake up at some point and be back to “normal” life. It won’t be a bad thing that I woke up, it will just be a fact of life. How can this be anything other than a dream? It’s so different, so strange, so opposite to what I would consider “normal” and yet if I was to go back “home” right now, would I feel that those things were “normal” or would I feel that most of those things are a waste? What would my attitude be?

I know that American world exists, more than I know this one does, and yet…what will my attitude be when I return? Ahh!!! Lord, could you be calling me to live here- perhaps even in this village? Or at least in this “other world?” How can that be? I know I asked you for that, and I do think I ‘want’ it, but it just seems so strange to me- how I can even live life here and function and actually enjoy it…Again, it scares me! Lord, please guide me; give me wisdom and most of all, give me faith. Faith to trust you tonight, tomorrow, this week, month, year and with my life. Whatever lies ahead, help me to have faith in you, knowing you will accomplish your perfect plan...

What an amazing place I’m in right now…what an amazing assignment you have given me…what an opportunity to know you more through what you’ve called me to do.

And then, there is the picture of all my friends back “home” on the desktop of my computer. What about them? Have I forgotten so quickly about them? What will become of them- who will tell them? Who will take care of them? I have established a relationships with them…was that all in vain? Was that just to help prepare me for this work? No, I can’t belive that…God is working in their lives…who will be there to answer their questions (not that I could!). I pray there would be others to care for them....and yet...How can I pray that? Don’t I want to be the one? Don’t I want to go back home and be there to tell them? I feel guilty or wrong in many ways, but somehow the answer is “no” I don’t. Why? Why not? Of course you want to go back, of course you want to be with them? They are your friends!!! It is as if my heart is being pulled very strongly in two opposite directions…but- at least right now, the tug is stronger here. And, I did leave them to come here in the first place- how that happened, I’m not sure!

As the Lord gave me strength and a love for them while I was there, perhaps He is giving me strength and love for these people here, while I’m here. Does that mean I will go to yet another place to serve Him one day? I know the answer is most likely! And I know He will not only give me the strength and grace to go there, but also the love for those people when I get there. I wonder if I will run out of energy and love at some point? I’m glad that my Father’s love never runs out and that I can get “re-filled” from Him daily!

Letter to Mark

Hand written letter Written to my brother, Mark:
Hey Markie!

How are you? What’s new in your life? Those book studies you’ve been going to sound good. What book are you studying now? Are you working on memorizing anything from the Book? If you are, tell me – I will try and memorize it with you. You probably have people there who can hold you accountable and who can check in with you to see if you are learning it. Perhaps you can help keep me accountable by asking me how much I’ve learned! I tried to memorize Psalm 16 about 2 months ago and still don’t even know the first verse! I think I need to learn single verses rather than go for a whole passage – at least at first. It seems so daunting!

Last night, Robin and I spent some time killing the flies in our room! Actually, Bicky (the brother) and Joyti (The sister) were also in our room swinging around our duputtas (the scarf-like thing girls wear with their dresses). I think we stirred up more flies than there were before, but all well. The whole thing was quite comical!

The flies are a bother, but if this is the only thing I can complain about, then I must say I have a pretty great life! Honestly, I was thinking about home today and while I miss it, I love life here! In spite of not being able to always communicate and even though these people do strange things sometimes – I really enjoy, yes, even love living among them. I’m not sure if I’ll always feel this way, but at least right now, it’s as if I’m living out my life long dream!

It’s funny to think of this place as my life long dream! And I’m only 23! A place where we don’t always have electricity, there’s no internet, and our cell phones don’t always have a signal. A place where we use our hands (just our left hand) as toilet paper; a place where a bath happens once a week or so, and then only about half a bucket of water is used- why? Because you don’t need more than that! A place where bells and horns made from a large shell are heard daily as people recite memorized prayers to their gods. A place where people look down on others, just because. A place where communication is frequently misunderstood (they get confused with what I say, I get confused with what they say). A place where killing flies and chasing monkeys could be a part of your daily routine…

And this place, you ask, is your dream? Perhaps not the place so much as the people. Somehow thinking about why I’m here, and what our Father could do among these people is amazing to even ponder! I don’t know what His plans are for these people or if I will ever see what one would consider ‘results,’ but even so, I consider it a privilege and blessing to be here now a part of His work!

I love you and miss you. ~ Lizzie

Electrical Surge and flies... (Journal Entry)

But, guess what happened this afternoon! An electrical surge. The tube light in our room got really bright and then burned out- actually, a little fire came out from behind the tube light- where the electrical wires were. I called for Bicky and the situation was resolved for the most part- he gave us a little light bulb for another light fixture- but we thought it better to wait and let the electrical surge die down a little before trying and lights or plugging the computer back in again.

So, Biky and Joyti just came in our room and Joyti made a comment about the flies and the fly-swatter we had in the room. She picked it up and asked how to use it- I showed her and she killed a fly! She called to Biky who came in and started swinging a duputta (The fabric that is worn like a scarf with a girl’s dress) around trying to get the flies out- instead he just stirred up more than there were ever before!

"It's our culture" (Journal Entry)

(picture of flies in our chai!!!)

“And the Lord replied: ‘I will personally go with you…I will give you rest – everything will be fine for you…you are my friend’” ~ Exodus 33:14, 17b

In spite of the flies and other things that add humor to the day, the festivals and the worship that these people take part in is something that causes one to think and pray more. There was one festival when we were here two weeks ago in which they worship Ganesh- one of their gods, and repeat 108 different names for him over and over again. The family we live with spent most of the day doing this and fasting too. On the one hand, I think ‘How can these traditions ever be broken through?’ and on the other I think, “Wow, when God does break through this, I want to be here!!!”

Today’s language session went pretty well. I did the sequence pictures with Deepa- and didn’t write anything down during the entire session- it was pretty strange, for me at least! I came back and went through the recordings with Joyti. I was also able to put the recordings onto the Vocabulary Manager program that Pam set up for me. I realized that Deepa left out the 4th picture’s description (out of the 6 I did today), so I’ll have to get that one tomorrow.

Today, I also went with Diksha and Latta and their mothers to the lower caste section of the village because Diksha and Latta were getting their nose and ears pierced! It was so nice to see some of the girls that I had met in the field again. I tried not to be too nice to them for fear of what Diksha and Latta’s mothers might say, but they didn’t seem to be too rigid toward the lower caste people. There were about 20 or so that came out to watch the piercings. They all wanted me to get my nose and ears pierced too, but I didn’t give in.

The festival today resulted in Bicky, Joyti and Manoj (The other brother) all having grass in their hair for a short time. I accidentally walked in on Joyti receiving some blessing from her mother just before lunch. They were both kneeling down, Chachi was chanting something softly while placing the blades of grass on Joyti’s head, most of them sliding off. Bicky too had some around his ears and on stuck in his hair that is not cut. Something Brahmin Hindu boys/men have- a little ‘ponytail’ of hair- not much, but coming from the back of their head, about half way up from their neck). Anyway, they all had these blades of grass in their hair for a little while and slowly they fell out and that was it. I think after receiving the blessing, the kids had to go to the mandir (temple) in their home and do something, but I’m not sure. I asked Joyti what it was for, and she said it was some blessing…When I tried to ask more she said she didn’t know and finally said, “it’s our culture.”

“It’s our culture” – There is so much about this culture still to learn! We’ve hardly understood any of it- mainly just observed things we have no idea about and don’t even know how to ask about. How in the world can we craft stories that will dig deep into their “culture” so that the stories not only change their culture, but become a part of their culture?

Chacha is upstairs right now, he just blew the ‘puja’ horn (made from a shell, actually)…again, so much to figure out!

I pray now for Joyti- as she accepts these things as her culture, may she realize that culture and religion are two different things. They are often intertwined and here they seem to be nearly one thing, but they are not. God, help me to know how to pray for her. While I feel I’ve had the most interaction with her, somehow tonight I don’t know what to pray or how to pray for her.

Prayer for Kahani people (Journal Entry)

“For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.” Vs. 4
“Let all the earth fear the Lord; let all the people of the world revere him.” Vs. 8
“The Lord foils the plans of the nations, he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But ehe plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.” Vs. 10-11
~ Psalm 33

Today consisted of visiting some people, giving them the pictures I took of them, convincing the family that my fast was different from the one that they do- because our gods are different…Chachi just came in the room again trying to convince me to eat tonight- after all I fasted all day, that’s long enough. I told her that my fast was different, and it was okay. Finally she said, “as you like” and left.

I do feel really weak and my head hurts. I hope I can last through the night! I did have a good time in the Word today though- not only this morning, but also during lunch when the rest of the family was eating. I also spent some time in prayer today, especially for the kids of this village. While they were starting to get on my nerves a little, I just started praying for them- asking that they would grow up knowing the stories and wanting to share them with others.

I am convinced that I need to be praying more for these people and the work to be done. I told Robin that I feel convicted about this and while I felt convicted to pray more by myself, I also said it would help me if I we prayed together- if she wanted to, that is. We agreed to incorporate a time during our weekly church time for that. The main problem is that we never know when we’ll get interrupted- and how do we tell them what we’re doing and that it’s important without hurting their feelings or causing them to think we don’t like them (Adults and children alike). Hmm, there are a few things I can communicate in Hindi, such as “we’re praying” and “This is for our God”- but not sure if that will go very far…

So, with that said, I’m going to again pray for the kids in this village…

Golu- he’s a 9 year old boy, full of energy, always wanting to see pictures and yet trying his best to be patient when we say, ‘in a little while’ or ‘later’ or ‘no.’ He usually persuades me, at least, to show him the pictures…He is a good language helper and tries hard to understand what we want to communicate. I pray that he would grow up to be a strong leader in his house. I pray that he would see that his gods cannot do anything for him but that you, Lord did everything already for him. I pray that he wouldn’t be the first in this village to not look down on those in the other part of the village. I pray that he would one day lead this village in your ways- perhaps even start a church here- or continue a church that would already be here!!! I pray that his attitude towards the stories would be open and receptive and that he would recognize the stories as unique and amazing and most of all- true. I pray that he would see You as different from the other gods and not just one more to add to the collection.

I pray for Diksha…she is so cute! She is perhaps my best friend here, although only 7 years old. Please give her patience when the other kids persuade her to do things she knows she shouldn’t do. Please also help her to see the wrong that the other kids do (especially Latta) and help her to realize it’s wrong and unkind. Help her not to fight back either physically or in words to the other children. I pray that you would help me to know how to help her and teach her within the boundaries of what I’m allowed to do! May she too grow up learning the stories and loving them- and may her family not think wrongly of her enjoying them, or wanting to share them with others. I pray that her family would be supportive of her and encourage her to learn more- and that they too would accept the stories Truth.

Dear Lord, please answer these prayers according to your will. Please give me patience to wait on you for the answers and also to take action as you give me strength to work towards these prayers being answered. I look forward to the day when people from this village will worship you- do not let me pray these prayers in vain. I ask that you redeem these people- and do it while I am here. I am not afraid to pray these prayers- I know you will answer them. I know you will answer them according to your perfect plan and will- and I know that that answer is the best answer!!! May I glorify you in these prayers…

Stealing branches? (Journal Entry)

So, I tried to go with Deepa to the jungle today- which proved to be another cultural experience…? She came through the patio area- obviously going to the jungle- knife in hand and rope to tie the bundles of branches together. I asked her if she was going to the jungle, she replied, “No, the field.” I gave her a questioning look and then looked at Joyti, who was also sitting there. I was confused. Did she not want me to go? Was she really going to the field to do some other work that required a knife and a rope that I didn’t know about?

Joyti told me after she went that she was indeed going to the jungle, but didn’t want me to come because she was going to cut down branches from trees that weren’t supposed to be cut. I couldn’t figure out if they weren’t supposed to be cut because they belonged to someone else’s trees or just because. I don't think it was because it was a general sense of “Save the trees”- but because they were another villages' trees maybe. I was shocked that she flat out lied to me…perhaps we’ll do a story on lying…and stealing branches!! Haha…

Typical Trip to Village (Journal Entry)

“But I trust in you, O Lord. I say, You are my God, my times are in your hands.”
~ Psalm 31:14-15a
“Be strong and take heart- all you who hope in the Lord.” ~Psalm 31:24

We arrived back in the village a few hours ago. Golu, Diksha and Latta were thrilled that we were back and were running around like crazy for a little while. We showed them pictures and such- they were so happy to see us again. It was nice to see them too.

Our trip was pretty much uneventful, which is good, but now there isn’t a fun story to tell! And then again, the trip that we took today would have been considered VERY eventful by just the ‘normal’ person in America probably. I told Robin, “You know, sometimes when people say, ‘wow I can’t believe you are over there, doing that work, and in those conditions,’ I want to reply, “it’s really not bad, we’re used to it, it’s no big deal’ and then sometimes I think, ‘you know what, it is a big deal- I can’t believe how much we put up with!”

What does our trip to the village look like? At least, what did today’s trip look like? Today, we ate lunch, and hiked up the stairs to the road, walked to Joshi’s store and waited for a jeep. We were there about 10 minutes standing waiting. Joshi came out and gave us two stools to sit on and wait. I asked him if a jeep would come and he said yes. So we waited. Jeeps came, but they were all going the opposite direction.

Finally, after about 40 minutes, one came. It’s very unusual to wait that long for a jeep. We asked him how far he was going and he was going to B town, so we went with him that far. That jeep ride consisted of Robin’s chair falling down while she was sitting on it, Robin getting sick, and us going through a herd of cows and goats. Once in B town, we asked for another jeep going to M town. The shortest path to the village is between B town and M town. There was a jeep going (we didn’t ask when, but just got in). I asked if he knew the path to the village, and could tell us on the way. He asked someone else and they knew. We said okay, but realized the guy who knew the way wasn’t going with us…so how would that help us? Anyway, by the time the jeep left, another older man had gotten in and the driver pointed to him and simply said, “Jogda” – the name of the village. I asked him if he was going there, he said yes and that he would lead us. After a short jeep ride, we got out of the jeep at a different place than where we have gotten out with Anju, but the path we took down ended up meeting with the path we knew. So, we took it and arrived here- approximately 3 hours after we left- no too bad!

We sat outside with the kids resting and cooling off- we were both hot and sweaty from the hike, but didn’t dare ask for hot water for a bath, because you just don’t do that at this time of day- it's just weird :)

Now, we’re sitting here typing and it’s as if we never left. Aunty came in and talked to us for a little while. We sat by the fire for a short time and washed our faces…There was a spider (sill is a spider) in our room when we got here- just like last time. It really feels like we never left at all- except that I’m wearing clothes that I didn’t have before- that honestly feels a little strange!!! Haha!!!