Monday, July 31, 2006

This is impossible. (Journal Entry)

You and I were made to worship
You and I were called to love…
You and I are forgiven and free…
You and I will see, who we were meant to be.

~ Chris Tomlin

I have forgotten this…I was made to worship…am I worshipping you, Lord? Or am I completing a task for you?

This work is draining. When I was in America, teaching non-English speaking middle school students who might have no idea who might be sleeping with their mom that night, or who come to school only to escape the abuse they receive at home, or try to skip school to avoid the abuse from their classmates, in a city where drugs and sex are not uncommon terms for young teenagers- that was easy compared to the work I am doing now. Yes, each has it’s ups and downs, but I have to say, this has more to overwhelming than anything else I’ve ever done.

And right now, I’m wondering just how it will all get done. We’ve only been back 4 days, and I’m already exhausted. I haven’t even had a storying session with Anne, and I’m tired of it. What is wrong with me? Why can’t I get motivated? Language study went okay today, but still, I’m not looking forward to it much this week. There is just so much to learn in order to get where I need to be. Yes, yes, little by little it will come. True. But, who has patience for that? In the midst of looking for someone who speaks English and Kahani- being told today by several people it would be impossible to find someone like that.

Is this impossible, Lord? I know Satan wants me to believe it is. I know it is not…but…still, I doubt. Still I have such small faith, that I’m faltering to see what you could do through this…Lord, give me your strength- physically, but even more than that, strength to fully put my faith in you. Father, forgive me for not lifting these people and this project up to you more.

Father, we have met people- you have provided. And I know you will do it again. Lord, I wonder, can Precious do more back-translating? I mean, we tried once with her…should we try again? We have to try, right? Or maybe we shouldn’t waste our time. Something I'm learning is that sometimes, you have to move on to other people, not continue investing where there is nothing that will come of it.

The question is, in which situation do you keep trying and in which situation do you make the decision to move on? Tricky.

Lord, I wonder what time Anne will come tomorrow- we said 9:30. I’m not expecting her til after 10. Father, I don’t even know what story to do.

There is so much to this project…really, a ton to do- and my energy is nearly depleted already. I feel like I should have more energy than I do right now. Why don’t I? There is so much to do, I need to start doing it! And I am, we are…but still…we should look and look for a back-translator…going every where til we find one…? Right? Perhaps we should pray more…

Lord, please give me more faith…and energy to press on- and Lord, please do not let me be discouraged by not having everything fall into place…No one said this work would be easy…no one said it would happen in a day…no one said we could do it on our own…may I remember that…

Saturday, July 29, 2006

Lots of unknowns = a great day! (Journal Entry)

(back in Kahan, after training in Thailand)

I am planning to meet Anne today at NTD and then go with her to Mamta’s village. I don’t think it is as far away as Anita’s, but I’m not sure…I do not know if I will eat there, or sleep there tonight, or meet others, or just hang out with Anita and Mamta, or if I will be able to record some stories, or tell some stories, or learn more language, or not be able to communicate at all, or if I will be able to take pictures, or not, or if that village will be similar or different from the other village I’ve been to.

Lots of unknowns- that’s what makes today a great day already! Perhaps the best thing for me about this project is how uniquely crazy it is! I mean, you can’t predict what will happen on any given day, except that the electricity will probably go off for a portion of the day. Other than that, our lives are so much “up in the air” or rather “up in our Father’s hands.” What a comfort!

In the midst of unknowns and “have no ideas” and “who knows” and “no ways” and “impossible” and “yeah right,” our Father knows, he not only has an idea, but a plan, and knows the way and that indeed it is possible and yes…it is right...and good…and He will lead us in that- as we seek Him.

Lord, help me to seek you more over the next three months. Help me to not see these people as objects or a task, but as people you want to worship you. Help me to take action, but not get caught up in the project itself that I miss the beauty of this culture and people all around me.

Help me find a balance with work, and time with you, as well as others- including Vivian and Robin. Help me to keep focused, and not lose heart or dedication for the project- help me to not give in when I should stand firm. Give me the strength I need to to make decisions that need to be made in the midst of who knows what the outcome may be. Please give both Robin and I an increased desire to see these people reached with your story, and give us amazing motivation to get this work accomplished. Please unite us in heart and help us to really work well together, complementing each other, encouraging one another, not dragging down each other, or hindering the work by our selfish or uncomfortable feelings. Give us wisdom to see that when it happens, and to take action against it. Please keep the enemy away from us- far, far away…may he be distracted by something else, so that we can press on. Thank you for your grace and mercy to us thus far.

Thank you for the time in Thailand too; for the fun times with friends, and also the amount of information we were able to take in- please help us apply it to our project.

Lord, we have less than two months before Judy comes for our consultant check- and so much work to do in that time. Lord, how can I not see it as work and a task to be completed? Is that all wrong? It does need to be done- at times it’s okay to be totally all about the relationships and the people, but at times, the stories do need to be crafted, right? :) Father, I pray that the work we do, will be good work, not just something to say we’ve done, but stories that will really have an impact and make a difference.

You know, another thing I forgot to do in Thailand was get a tape recorder…how did I end up back here, without that? Ahh!!!! I’m kicking myself for that now- hmm, is there a better quality one we can get here in Kahan? I don’t know. Man- Sam just called to asking when we should meet. Should we meet on Monday? What work do I have for him? Not much…And how to train him? And what stories to do? So much to think about and figure out…and then I don’t even have a good tape recorder to give him. Could he learn the stories himself? Maybe we should try that…Hmm…Father, please give wisdom and direction to what I should do…

Re: Fitting in (Email response to Aunt Bonnie)

Aunt Bonnie,

Thank you for writing! I’m glad you had a good trip and reunion, and your leg is doing better…do you still have the brace? How is that? I’m okay health-wise…had a boil in Thailand, guess you heard about that- so strange!!! South Asia can do some strange things to the body! My back is okay- it’s always great in Thailand because we have cheap, but good massages, and the beds are just…well…regular beds...haha…I think I’ll try and keep up doing the back exercises I had been doing before- that seemed to help a lot.

Thank you for your encouragement about fitting in wherever God plants me…You are right- and it is our attitude and perspective than can hold us back from fully enjoying the places and people that God has put in our life.

This time when returning back to our home in Kahan, I kind-of felt like, “shouldn’t we be done this by now? It’s been a year, and we’ve made this trip several times, and here we are again…shouldn’t it be over already?” It’s not that I don’t want to be here, but I can feel the intensity of this work beginning to take it’s toll on me, and realizing too that the enemy is working to discourage and drag me down.

I’m motivated to work even harder now, now that we’re back and have so much in front of us. In a way, it’s overwhelming, but just seeing our neighbors today, re-kindled my passion to see them praise our Father…and knowing that the work we are doing might be a part of that makes me want to put forth 100% of myself in getting this project completed!!!! Please do continue to pray for Robin and I as we do have lots of work to do and need to find some more people to help us with the work…pray for strength and stamina as a lot of the people don’t live near us…pray for boldness to try new things, even if we aren’t sure if they will work out or not….

What are you doing for school for the kids in the Fall?

Tell Andrew and Laura and Uncle Bob I said hello!

~ Elizabeth

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Hold Fast lycis (Casting Crowns)

To everyone who's hurting
To those who've had enough
To all the undeserving
That should cover all of us

Please do not let go
I promise there is hope

Hold fast, Help is on the way
Hold fast, He's come to save
What I've learned in my life
One thing greater than my strife
Is His grasp
So hold fast

Will this season ever pass?
Can we stop this ride?
Will we see the sun at last?
Or could this be our lot in life?

Please do not let go
I promise you there's hope

You may think you're all alone
And there's no way that anyone could know
What you're going through
But if you only hear one thing
Just understand that we are all the same
Searching for the truth
The truth of what we're soon to face
Unless someone comes to take our place

Is there anyone?
All we want is to be free
Free from our captivity,
Lord, Here He comes

Saturday, July 22, 2006

Best dad ever! (Email to parents)

Hey…

I’m going to bed, but wanted to check in and say, hey. Things are going well. I had an AWESOME time playing ultimate Frisbee tonight- actually, was perhaps one of the best games I’ve played…I really missed Curt, Janna and Jimmy on the field, but there were lots of people- and it was just a lot of fun…

Anyway, you know, Daddy- I really miss you tonight. Yeah…Playing Frisbee, you should have seen me- you would have been like, “You know what- that is my daughter, and I’m so proud of her!” – I mean, I act JUST LIKE YOU…I’m not trying to brag or anything, I mean it’s not my fault, I have the world’s most coolest dad ever… the most encouraging, and supportive and fun, and uplifting…I could go on and on!

Like you, I was the “encourager” on the field….cheering my team on: “Ok, let’s get the next one guys (yeah, my team was all guys)” - Or “That’s okay, we’re gonna get that right back…they’re startin’ to get nervous….” Just tons of stuff like that- that I’ve learned from watching you. I think it made everyone enjoy it a lot more. I did, anyway!

But I thought about it afterwards, and I really miss you, Dad. I can’t wait until you come visit! Not only so I can say whatever comes to my mind to you – because you do the same thing! Even silly things like, “look at that green grass, over there- it’s really green isn’t it?” – I CAN say that kind of stuff with you- and you’ll respond with something like, “Yeah, you know what, you’re right- that is green, and grass, wow!!” And so far, I’ve yet to find someone who does that, just marvels at the obvious- and isn’t being completely sarcastic and making fun of what I said- since to “normal” people it’s just totally obvious and really not that exciting.

I know that when you come, we might not be able to get an ultimate Frisbee game going, but there will be an attitude of, “hey- you know what, that’s okay, it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game..” – It’s important to HAVE FUN.

I don’t know- tonight was just one of those nights I wished you were here too…..
At dinner, I also had a few moments of thinking, “This is so strange: getting together with these people (Jeff, Jacob, Sean, Jim, Eric, Tina, Robin)- and acting as if they are my long lost friends, and best friends, but I’ve only seen them a few times. It’s hard to explain in words. But I experience it a lot, maybe at least every other day, here in Thailand. It’s just strange. We’re all of the sudden great friends, but then we leave and who knows when we’ll see some of them again. I don’t know, it’s something to get used to in this line of work I guess- but it’s just strange, I think…normal, but weird, but good, hmm, I’m not sure how I feel about it….

Anyway, tomorrow we have half day of stories, then the afternoon off- probably will do a little more shopping for friends at home.

The boil I had is healing nicely, much less pain….oh the weird things that happen to your body in Asia!

I hope all is well there- I love you and miss you….
~ Elizabeth

Friday, July 21, 2006

Christmas in July (Email to Parents)

I have to say I experienced Christmas in July yesterday— I think I had 6 packages??? Anyway, Jeff and I had a blast opening them- and everyone else enjoyed watching us. I have pictures, will have to send some…..working on figuring out how to send videos via internet too...

OH- and I looked at all the pictures from the reunion with a few people from training. Everyone is so jealous of my wonderful family. I’m of course very proud- I mean, what other family does kite-surfing, flying a plane, messages in the sand, wind-surfing, cook-outs, surfing, burying people in the sand, and just has an awesome time together no matter what??

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Vacation!!! (Journal Entry)

Palm trees, mountains shooting up out of the water, the backdrop of mountains behind the beach, the birds flying, the crabs crawling, the boats on dry land, but only until the tide comes in again. Young Thai people playing “football” (soccer). A family, father, mother and daughter look for shells on the beach together. Some people get massages, other ride bikes, while still others relax by the pool.

Yes, I’m here at my “vacation” observing the sights and sounds. Now, all of the above is happening- even in spite of the weather- I only saw the sun for about 1 hour this weekend.

But, the rain didn’t stop me from doing a bunch of different things- renting a motorbike, going into the city...I'm here taking a few days in another city in Thailand by myself before heading to training in Thailand.

You know I think I want to avoid it all- yes, it’s nice to be pampered, and nice to eat whatever you want, pretty much whenever you want. It’s nice to wear whatever you want, speak your own language- all of the time…have instant access to internet, a bank machine, be able to pay for things with your visa card, enjoy ice cream- and have a variety of options of flavors to choose from.

Somehow it all seems too nice. Or something. You know, I’ve been to Thailand three times, and I still can’t figure out what my mind goes through while we’re here. In one way it’s impossible to even allow my home, my life, my personality from India enter into this life. And on the other hand, everything here is so “NICE” compared to there, that I do think about it and realize how little we have there, but how content I have learned to be. But then, to what extent do I enjoy ourselves here? Anyway, am I guilty for enjoying my vacation? Should I feel wrong for having a watermelon fruit shake three days in a row, when back in Kahan, the options for juice would exist, but would involve a lot of work.

I feel like God is doing a ton of stuff in my life, my heart, my mind- but I can’t seem to figure any of it out- am I supposed to?

How does one deal with this going back and forth between cultures? Cultures that are similar in a few ways, but very different in most. And is it that they are really so different, or is it that my attitude shifts when I’m in Thailand, and just sees this as this perfect place, where as my home in "Kahan," is…well, not perfect.

I know Thailand has it’s problems and even I have issues when I’m here…

I really can’t figure it out- and what is it that I am even trying to figure out? Why this paradox life…Thailand vs. India? Yeah, something like that…how I can one day be sitting in a sleeveless shirt, with electricity powering my computer- knowing it won’t go out unless there is a tsunami(unlikely), with the ability to order food if I want, or go out if I want- no need to be back by a certain time, no need to worry that my actions might indicate something wrong...

One of the girls did say that for her Thailand means “Freedom.” She does work in a Muslim context, but still, maybe that’s part of it for me too. Freedom. Freedom to choose, to do, to say, to be, to go….

Perhaps one day I’ll figure it out…or maybe the thing God wants me to realize and accept is that it can’t be figured out. It is His world, if I could figure it all out, then He wouldn’t have been the one to make it…? Should I learn to be content not understanding this whole thing? Perhaps for now, since I can’t seem to crack it. Maybe later, after visiting other countries, I can figure it out more…

But you know, it’s not about "fitting in." Yesterday, when I was riding my motorbike, I thought, "you know, I can “Fit” in Thailand. I can “Fit” in India. I think I can still “fit” in America." But honestly, I don’t “FIT IN” anywhere. I can do the Thailand thing, the India thing, and I hope I can still do the American thing. But is that enough? Do I need to go further and embrace where I am? But then when I leave, I will just get hurt? Unless, I have a more heavenly perspective…realizing this isn’t my home.

It’s been said before, but I am understanding more and more that this is not our home- and it doesn’t matter where we are, He is there…It doesn’t matter where we’re going- He is there. It doesn’t matter how many times we say goodbye, He is there. It doesn’t matter what we wear, what we eat, how we walk, what we say, who we’re with, He is there too…

And He wants us to realize that in this amazing world, He is there…and He is in Heaven, waiting for us to come home…that is after the work He has called us to do is completed…and that means, completed by His standards…which are often higher at times, and lower at times than our own…

Lord, help me to have more of an eternal perspective and not try and get caught up in the things I can’t figure out down here on earth.

Fishing....and culture shock (Email to Parents)

(an email to parents from where I went on vacation)

The weather has NOT turned around, in fact it's gotten worse...lots of rain. But, what to do...

I'm taking a fishing boat this afternoon over to this island, will go around it and check it out.

Oh, the "ocean/beach" here is NOTHING like Hatteras. Honestly, it's like a 1 on a scale of 1-10 in comparison. But it's still the beach, I can't see the other side of the water, which is something I think I like best thing about the beach...I guess I like wide, open spaces... :)

The food here has been great. My trip into the town went well- only made one wrong turn getting there, drove back in turrential downpour. But it stopped half way back and beacuse I was driving the motorbike, I was dry by the time I got back- like a drive-through bike-wash-dryer, without the soap...haha...

My time in town was okay- experienced complete culture shock by being able to stand in one place and see a Baskin Robins, Swensons (a really good ice cream place), starbucks, and the Pizza Company (a terrific pizza place)...and everything was clean. I could only stay for about an hour, then had to leave. I'm not sure if I can handle this going between poverty and wealth, and the attitudes that going along with each place. I think I'll try and do some relfecting on all of that, because in this line of work, that going back and forth between places may never end....

I tried to take a nap on the beach yesterday (even though there were black clouds in the sky- I came here to do that, so I did!!!). I was the only one there- how nice and private!! :) There are some amazing hermit crabs and ghost crabs here- millions of them, but tinier than the smallest ones in NC...

I think I might go rent a bike....funny, how it's supposed to be a "vacation" but I can't stop doing all the activities here!

Love ya,
~ Elizabeth

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

American culture and Indian culture cannot exist in the same mind (Journal Entry)

So, I’ve realized that the thought of American culture and Indian culture cannot exist in the same mind at the same time. I mean, there just isn’t enough space for it. How can women, in India, sitting on the side of the road waiting for their friends to go cut grass for their cows and goats fit in the same brainwave as high school and college students, in America, spending nearly 24 hours a day on the internet, writing “blogs” to each other…how can those two things fit in the same brain, let alone the same world?

I know that it is amazing to see all the differences, and how it must bring glory to God, and how truly great it is- and remarkable, etc, etc…but my mind cannot contain it all. Just thinking about gets me stressed out…And perhaps it’s the timing. There is a lot going on in my life, and in my head right now, and it’s nearly exploded already once today.

Another thing I’ve realized is that I don’t like to admit that I can’t do everything.

Monday, July 10, 2006

No one can help us... (Journal Entry)

Robin and I both frustrated with the work, and with each other too I think. It's hard because it doesn't look like Precious will be able to continue helping due to school stuff. Sam is doing a pretty poor job testing stories for us, and Anne isn't sure how much longer she can help us. And we still haven't really found a good, reliable back-translator.

Lord…you know I cannot do this on my own. Robin cannot do it on her own. We can’t even do it together- in fact, we might even hinder more than help each other accomplish this. You alone can do your work- you have chosen to work through us- how it brings you glory- I may never know. But you have called us, you have called me, to be faithful to you.

Help me bring you glory in what I say and think and do….

Sunday, July 9, 2006

What difference can I make? (Journal Entry)

It’s the end of another weekend, the start of another week. You know, somehow I think about sharing things, everyday things, with someone…someone who loves me and wants to hear those little misc. details of my life. Yes, that someone will be there, someday. He is not there right now…but wait…He is…He is my Father, and He does want to hear those details…yes, He already knows them…but still, He is there ready and waiting…thank you for being there Lord!

Today, I watched a movie, and saw how beautiful, and wonderful life is back home- I saw Indians who live in New York City- they too need to be reached. If I lived there, I could have a normal life, a “nice” life…and still do "reach people". My parents would be amazed to read these thoughts. My supporters would not believe it was me who wrote these ideas. My own self would battle against me and argue, “Do you know what you’re saying? Yes, it’s a ‘normal’ life- a normal, boring life. Not for everyone who lives there, but for you, you know it would be. What would you do? Live ‘normally?’

But what am I doing here? I mean…I’m away from my family, away from my friends- though they are few here. I’m here, in the middle of these mountains. I'm trying to convince people who are completely satisfied with their lives, that the direction they are moving in will only end in despair... How can anything I say or do, change that? Who am I to even be engaged in this work?

I know, I am a daughter of the king, a servant of the most high…and that is enough…I know, I know.

There is so much work to be done- I’m just a minute particle in this immense ocean of lostness. What difference can I make?

Three on a Bike!


We had a few surveyors come to visit us this week...and did something totally uncultural!
Robin and I took them (three on the bike at one time) into town for lunch.
It was uncultural becuase a girl was driving the bike, and because men were on the back!

Friday, July 7, 2006

Storying stuff (Journal Entry)

I met with Anne today. I went to the garage owner's house and did a testing session with him as well as another young guy who was there. Tested the Cain and Abel story- they did okay, the younger guy didn’t do as well in remembering it, but his Kahani language was great- I don’t think he spoke in Hindi once…Anne did a good job in testing, and Mamta- her friend, came along too…We then went back and discussed what they had said in the testing session…

Then Sam came. I had previously gone to another neighbors house and asked if we could come tell another story later in the morning. They said yes. So Anne, Sam, and I went to their house to test the Tower of Babel story. However, they had guests there at that time, so it didn’t work out.

When we came back, I decided to go through the story and questions with Sam and prepare him to do testing on his own later in the week. He had already tested Cain and Abel- did an okay job of it…though I’m not sure the people he is testing are really good testers. I mean, one is a believer. The other guy doesn’t really know Kahani…so…obviously, that’s not a good test! Kind-of frustrating...

I sent an email to Shanna the other day that was like, “I can’t take speaking Hindi/Kahani anymore!!!” Haha. I love speaking it, but speaking it for several hours in a row can be really draining. It's also hard having the frustration of learning/speaking two languages…

Wednesday, July 5, 2006

Fitting In (Email From Aunt Bonnie!)

Hi Elizabeth,

I guess you are getting ready for your trip to Thailand next week. Hope and pray all is coming together for you - in many ways!

We had a good trip East and got home to Idaho last Tuesday. I had my final leg operation with removal of plate and four screws last Thursday. I am glad to be on the "final leg" of this journey! Hopefully, within a few weeks I will be able to hike (with a brace for about six weeks).

Our fourth of July was eventful. First came the Victor parade. Andrew rode his horse and Laura rode on the school's float. The parade was long, the day was hot, but both kids enjoyed their part in the parade. In the afternoon we went for a picnic and festivities in Jackson at the Music Festival. It was a perfect day and we finished it off with fireworks in Jackson. Late night but worth it.

I woke up with a flu-type sickness and couldn't get myself out of bed all day. Uncle Bob, Andrew and Laura just left for the church (in Jackson). Andrew has a reading/tutoring session and Uncle Bob and I have a leadership class. Unfortunately I'm missing the meeting. Laura will go to the library - one of her favorite adventures.

Thank you so much for sending the DVD for the reunion. You are amazing - how to put it all together, do it in time to reach the States, etc. We watched the video several times, too. We really missed your presence, Elizabeth. It's just not the same with you missing. I hope your schedule will allow you to come home next year, or should I not even think about that?

I was thinking about you watching the video of your party - wishing you were home but realizing everything will be changed when you get home. Well, probably things won't be as changed as you anticipate - in fact, you may be the most changed person. And, of course, that's a little scary. BUT, every time we move on to the next thing in our lives, there IS a life waiting for us. It's all in how we embrace it. You will find new avenues to walk down you never knew existed - and you will love it! You fit in no matter where you are planted, Elizabeth. For me, I've learned it's mostly my perspective that gets in the way of enjoying life as God wants me to.

Your newsletter was great. The storying is coming togetherI It's so interesting to watch "the story unfold" and see God's hand through the production of it. You are accomplishing an amazing work. And I can imagine the storying is just a part of the whole work God is doing through you right now. Every contact you make is planting a seed. Because people are seeing Jesus through you those seeds are falling on fertile ground and will flourish.

So, my head is throbbing - the meds aren't kicking in as I hoped. BTW, How is your health?

Love and lots of hugs (XXOOXX!!)

Aunt Bonnie

Tuesday, July 4, 2006

Happy 4th of July! (Journal Entry)

Didn’t have the most successful day today. Anne came an hour late…we didn’t even get to meet. Sam was there- got to talk to him more about testing- he wasn’t doing things right, I’m not sure if he is going to be able ot help us or not---turns out he just doesn’t know many non-christians…and the ones he does know don’t know Kahani. Robin met with Pooja today, that went well…

Tomorrow we are going to meet the another guy who has the English school- pray we find a back-translator…or at least start the process of connections…

The cake I made turned out REALLY good!! And we’re having tacos tonight for 4th of July dinner! How American, huh? :)

Love ya!

~ Elizabeth

Saturday, July 1, 2006

NEWSLETTER (April to June 2006)

http://elizabethasia.googlepages.com/ElizabethNewsletterApr-June2006fullp.pdf
Attached is my newsletter for April to June, 2006. If you don’t have a program to view it, you can download a free copy of Adobe Acrobat in order to view the file.
http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html