Day before Moving to the Village (Journal Entry)

I feel…
Excited: Finally getting to the people we will be working with (most likely)
Scared: Spiders, strange food [grass], a bed or maybe not- we won’t know til we get there.
Lonely: Already.
Empowered: God is going with us and He is already there!
Nervous: What if we do something wrong, say something inappropriate…I guess I can relax about that, because I know we will!
Cold: enough said.
Thankful: our language helper is going with us- God does provide!
Incompetent: with all the language I’ve been studying, I still don’t feel sure that I could even have a basic conversation.
Amazed: that God would bring me here to do this work among these people- some of whom may be in Heaven one day!
Pointless: “why can’t they all just learn English!” How long is this going to take?
In Pain: my back constantly hurts…I used to look forward to going to bed, now I can’t wait to wake up because of the pain!
Encouraged: by the number of emails I’ve received in response to my update- so many people are praying!
Far away: Now it would take nearly 50 hours to get home, and that would only be if I didn’t fall hiking up the mountain, if the jeep was not full when I got to the top, if the bus didn’t break down, if the train was on time, if the rickshaw to the airport took me directly there, and if the plane got through the fog and was able to leave the ground. Hmmm.

Is it possible to have all these feelings at one time? I feel depressed, but also refreshed. I feel weak, but also strong. I feel unsure, but also certain about what is to come.

Why am I not jumping up and down with excitement? Isn’t this what I wanted? Isn’t this my dream come true? Yes…yes, Elizabeth. It is what you thought you wanted at least. Now you have it- satisfied? It’s not that I was looking for satisfaction, and it’s not that I don’t realize this is my dream come true/coming true…it is, for sure. It’s just that I don’t think I can believe I’m in it- and this is what I dreamed of. What was I thinking? Haha…

I do love it here, I do love these people. Really, I do. So why do I feel this way. What way do I feel? I’m not sure how to explain it. Again, so many feelings at one time. Perhaps it’s a bit of a spiritual battle I’m experiencing- we are getting ready to get into more of the work we’re called to do, why wouldn’t Satan try and stop us, or at least give us a negative attitude. We must fight against that!

Some encouragement to me tonight- from this song….(Being in the mountains I can relate to this song...)

You bring me up here on the mountain. For me to rest, learn and grow.
I see the truth up on the mountain. And I carry it to the world far below
So as I go down to the valleys, knowing that you will go with me
This is my prayer, Lord help me to remember what you’ve shown me
Up on the mountain.