Missing family (Journal Entry)

I miss my family. I’m really tired and don’t feel like writing much tonight, but I want to write these thoughts.

Tonight I just laid in my bed for about 20 minutes and about 100 memories of family, and friends flooded through my mind. Eating dinner whether inside around the table or outside with the picnic table, driving with Daddy down to Hatteras and remember thinking about how we’d be apart for 2 years and crying at points, but trying not to let him see, playing Frisbee, the farewell celebration, watching Natalie and Mark in the pool, laying out in the sun with Natalie, trip to Dorney park, conversations about Rahul with Trisha, listening to country music with Daddy, taking walks with Mommy, packing for India- stuff all over my room, saying goodbyes, walks on the beach at Hatteras, the aunts/cousins brunch at Hatteras, visiting all those churches- reviewing talks with Mommy…

Then I began to think, how did I get here again? Today we had a worship service. Irene, from Holland, Vivian from Guatamala, Becca, Robin and I from different U.S. states- all sitting here, in India worshipping our Lord. How did I get in the middle of this? I don’t know any of these people and yet I’m all of the sudden working very closely with them and living with them- in strange circumstances. How did this happen?

Then I thought back on all the circumstances that brought me to this point. I can’t even remember all the ways that the Lord led me to serve Him here. From the conversation with Stephanie about Jimmy and what he was doing to the phone conversation with various Workers and then Steve Rowan…Then applications and interviews. Then newsletters, envelopes, stamps, addresses…visiting churches, writing e-mails, trying to keep up with teaching at the same time. Beginning to realize it was really going to happen! Slowly slowly, things did happen and…

Now I’m here. It should not be strange or odd how I got here, yet somehow, sometimes I can’t believe I’m here. I then also think, and I’m here for 2 years- am I really ready for this?

Mainly today, I just missed my family and friends. I felt very alone. There was nothing that caused it- I’ve had a great day, good communication with Robin, great conversation with the family- I even started learning to knit today and must say I’m doing a terrible job at it! There was nothing, absolutely nothing that I was upset with or frustrated by. There have been other times when I could have expected to miss home and family, but didn’t. I’ve realized it’s not so much that I miss “home”- it’s that I miss family and friends- I miss people. I wish more than anything my family could be here- just for a day…okay, perhaps a little longer.

I got on my computer to write about these thoughts and scrolled down to the entry above and the picture of the “Kumouni Story Group” and then the friends I made in the Hindi study group and again wanted to cry- just thinking about why I’m here and what my purpose is here. I realized that yes I can and do miss my family, but I miss them for a very important purpose and reason- and what an awesome opportunity to be able to miss my family because I’m here telling people about HIM. I’m not sure if my thoughts come out right when I write them, but they are basically something like that. Because of the great work that I am here for, I miss my family. If I was home with my family, thus not missing them, I would not be here doing the Lord’s work- and missing the blessings that go along with that. Although hard, and perhaps will get harder, I feel it worth it.

Anyway, those are my thoughts this evening.