Wednesday, May 30, 2007

What did you expect? (Journal Entry)

After listening to a bunch of the stories, what did you expect? For Anju to say, “Oh, your God is the real God. Our God is not. These stories make it all clear. I want to follow Yishu (Jesus) now, I don’t want to follow Golu, or Shivjee anymore…”

Somehow, I knew that wouldn’t be the response, I wasn’t expecting it. I wasn’t even upset when I didn’t get it. But I guess what upset me is that she, and Gaitree, and the rest of our friends don’t see much difference in this God and their other gods.

Anju even said yes, she has a relationship with God. When I asked her about when God gives the command: “only pray to me, no other gods…” – Her response was, "Right…God is one, just the name is different…if you pray- pray one god. If you pray to Shivjee, pray to Shivjee, not Golu too."

I asked, "So if you wanted to follow this God...…"

And she completed my sentence, "then you would have to get rid of/stop following/praying to the other gods."

She understands, the stories are clear.

But are they life-changing?

Is there anything that could be done differently? I have not yet had any ideas come to my mind…except that it’s not the stories alone that will make a difference. True, God’s Word can speak for itself…but, in many, if not most situations- it will be more than just one encounter with the real God.

“You do all things well…” – the song playing right now.

Oh Lord…what are you doing? I know you do things well- but what has been the benefit of these stories in our Kahani friend's lives til now...actually, I shouldn't say that, there has been a lot of benefit for Precious, Maya, Ganga...

I nearly started crying in front of Vimal as I shared with him Anju’s answers and how they were good answers to some extent, meaning, it seems in general the point of the stories is getting across…

He said, “Just like she has given you answers, I think the rest of Kahani people will give you the same answers. No one is going to say, our gods are less, and this god is better…no one would say like that.”

I explained that I knew that result would not come- maybe one in a year…But I said, it would be nice if people saw a difference between their god and the God of these stoires. To not even see a difference…what benefit is there? Just more stories about another random God? Even if that’s not what our goal was, is that what we’ve achieved? In some ways, ‘yes, we have created stories about some other God…” but the stories are supposed to tell that this is not just some other God…Do they do that? I'm not sure.

“Blessed be your name…” – the song playing right now.

You want me to bless your name in spite of Anju’s response. You want me to focus on you. You want me to listen to Vimal when he says, “Immediately it won’t happen. Someone trusting in Yishu, someone leaving their gods for God…it takes time.” – I know that, but still…I just wonder if there is any chance that Maya, Kiran, Pushpa, Ganga, Pinki, Pyranka, Hema, Geetu, Pooja, Ulka, Chandra, Neetu, Geeta, and so many others who have heard the stoires, will meet me again in Heaven. I know, only God knows…and perhaps those whom I don’t even know right now I will meet due to the stories in some fashion. And that is wonderful. But still, I can’t help crying for my friends. Crying, knowing if they died right now, I’d never see them again. Knowing, if they live their life as it is, it will be void of peace, and the joy of the Lord- when they could have those things.

Am I doing enough?

Right now, God is saying… “no…you haven’t done enough. No, you haven’t confronted them enough, no you haven’t been a good enough friend…because YOU can’t BE enough of anything for these people…YOU can’t do it…YOU can’t really even make a difference. Actually, you can cause people to fall away from me- yes, you can do that by yourself. Any good that you might do is from me. Any positive influence you might have is from me. Any mark you might leave on people is only by my grace…And if I choose not to draw this one or that one, what is it to you? Or if I choose to draw someone else you didn’t have in mind, why should you become jealous that your friends aren’t among the chosen?

I want to ask the question, ‘what can I do’ – but I know the response is, ‘nothing’ – that is, NOTHING without YOU, without prayer…

So what am I doing most of the day? I should be praying, huh? On my knees…Lord- I will spent 5, or maybe even 10 minutes every day from now on in prayer for the Kahani people…at least as long as I am here. It may not sound like a long time- but it’s longer than I’ve given til now…

Father, thank you for the change in Precous' life. And thank you also for the work you are doing in Heather and Gina- whether they know it or not.

Father, thank you for your goodness, and faithfulness to me. And for the workshop plans coming together…you are gracious and good.

Help me to praise you and bless your name in spite of feeling a little like a failure at the moment…

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