The more I'm here, the more I want to be here (Journal Entry)

The more time I spend here, in this village, with these people, the more I want to be here. Today I went to the jungle to find Deepa, Deepa's sister, and Bicky, who were cutting down branches. I had told them I would come after lunch and they said yes. Against the wishes of Joyti and the other kids, I went. They warned me of monkeys and told me it was far away. I said, “I know, it’s fine, I want to go.” I did go- and it was far, and there were monkeys- more than I’ve ever seen at one time- probably 50 of them or so! And I was walking right through them as I climbed the mountain to find Deepa cutting the trees. I wasn’t 100% sure if I’d find them of not- the jungle is a big place! I finally heard someone cutting the branches and followed the sound- then called out and they called back. Just walking through the jungle- even by myself, I enjoyed being here.

I carried a good size portion of branches back on my head- and yes, it was heavy. But I’m ready to do it again tomorrow. I am not sure why I like this life so much…is it just for this time, God has given me a desire to be here- and is using it to help me connect with the people and enjoy life here? Will I no longer desire this life when I move somewhere else? I feel as if I could live here for…a long time. I feel as if after this story work is done, I would come back here and live here- and do what? Chase monkeys, cut branches, kill flies and spiders…etc, etc. And, share the stories with them- I know I could learn more language if I had more time. No, I couldn’t learn it perfectly- I gave up on that a long time ago!

But, I feel like some of these people are some of my best friends. I hear them talk to each other saying, “She’s learning really fast” or “Listen to that! She knows our language!” Perhaps they will reject me once stories start coming, but something tells me that won’t happen. They may not listen to the stories, they may not accept them, but they won’t reject me- at least I don’t think so. And no, that’s not what it’s about- it's not about my reputation. It would be better for them to accept the stories than accept me- of course. I long for these people to know the Truth- I wonder if when stories do come here- if they will be rejected, and if my heart will break for the people.

As I was sitting with the women today, as they sang their Holi songs- I prayed for them. I don't want them to lose their culture, but I do want them to have the hope and joy in the relationship with God as I do.

I think too how it would work to have a husband here- I pictured him today working with the other young men in the village. I pictured myself carrying branches to wherever our home would be. When not working with the people, my husband might craft stories or study language…or maybe he would be spending time in prayer for the village folk around him.

Yet- does such a man exist? Is there someone who really enjoys this culture as much as I do? Not, that I am any such great person that I enjoy this culture so much- I think because I enjoy it so much, I can get myself into trouble probably. But, is there someone who 99% of the time wants to be with the people and enjoys them? On the other hand, as Mommy had warned and as I know full well- enjoying the culture as much as I do is not the only requirement for my life partner!!!!! Haha…No no, I know that, of course.

Then there is the thought of coming back alone. Working alone…first of all, I’m not sure if any agency would allow that… I think I would enjoy life here alone and could do it- but think companionship would be nice…and that companionship would be best shared by someone who also wanted to give his life to these people for the sake of the gospel.

I think about leaving- even this next week- we’ll be gone for a month…and we don’t know of our plans after that- I would love to come back here, but have a feeling we’ll be doing more work from the city. I’m trying not to set my heart or plans in any one place. It makes me sad that living in the village may not be the place where I spend most of my time. I am excited that our work may be starting to get started a little bit, but sad that I may not be seeing these people- my friends- as often. I have so enjoyed the time to learn language and build relationships with them. I look forward to returning to test stories or learn additional cultural stuff.