"I want to LIVE life, but I also want to remember it! (Journal Entry)

“I want to live life, but I also want to remember it.”

I told this to Roberta last night on the phone, as we were talking about life being filled with so many things, it just seems like you’re going in various directions and doing so much stuff. I told her how I can’t wait to come and just sit in my front yard, and watch the neighbors. Haha…though the neighbors at home in Delaware don’t really do much, like the neighbors here. I then said, “I mean, I want to do things, I want to live life…but I don’t want to do so much that I don’t remember any of it.”

Robin said today, "It's hard to take a break here in Kahan, but I remember it being much harder to take a break in America- because if you aren’t doing 10 things at once, if you aren’t attending 2 bible studies and teaching a Sunday school class, then it’s viewed as bad in some way."

She’s right. I feel busy here, but it’s nothing compared to my life in America. It’s TONS more busy there. Granted I could come home at night, and generally, relax. I do wonder what my life will be like when I go back.

I also wonder about Mark, Jennifer and Natatlie, and how I can be there for them, as their sister. I want to be there for them...how can I?

Akash (a friend from home) told me, “they’re growing up, and you’re missing it.”

Only a few months more til the family reunion. But then, back here or somewhere again? I sometimes think I’ll go home and never leave again. But then I picture myself at home…and thinking of…Panna, Gaitree, Hema, Ganga- images of Kahani people start to come into my mind- Kahani people doing their pujas (prayers), going to temples…dying without knowing. And not just them…Afghans, Pakistanis, Africans, too many people are crossing through this life without knowing the Truth. How can I sit back and watch? If there was nothing I could do, I might understand more. But there is something I can do…I pray that you Lord, would begin showing me NOW, what you want me to do after this. Central Asia? Delaware? Where do you want me? What do you want me to do? Why do you want me there, and why do you want me doing that? I know those answers won’t be answered for years after the fact…haha…but it doesn’t hurt to ask! :) How long do you want me there, do you want me married before or after? Okay, that question doesn’t’ need to be asked now…haha.. :) I mean, I can ask it in this way - do you want me to have a companion for the work? And in what capacity?

Thank you for watching over me, and loving me. I love you so much.

Amen.