Today was completely unsuccessful. (Journal Entry)

I feel like today was completely unsuccessful. True, it’s not over yet, but the majority of it is, and the time where I would have had strength to do anything has passed. I long for the darkness of night to come, so that we can build a fire, and then heat hot water bottles and forget the day in sleep.

It was not a bad day, just unproductive- and I guess in my mind that equals a bad day. The majority of my day was spent with Gaitree and Panna figuring out a vehicle for us to take to Panna’s, mother’s village tomorrow. Talking on the phone to taxi drivers, and listening to Panna argue with them about the price, and reassuring Panna that the amount we would pay would not mean we would lose all our money.

Today, Panna used an interesting measurement of time. I asked her, “How long/far is it from the road to your mother’s house?” In other words, “how long will we have to walk for?” She said, “As long as I was on the phone yesterday with my aunt, that is how long you will have to walk.”

We of course laughed a lot, but still I feel like nothing was accomplished today. I did try to test some stories with the lady downstairs, but she was on her way to the bazaar so that didn’t work. I could go now, but just don’t have the energy. Should I force myself? We’ll be in the village for three days starting from tomorrow, perhaps I should save my energy. And yet, once today is gone, I’ll never have it back again- why leave today’s work for tomorrow? I should go, and get something done- I know I’ll feel much more accomplished afterwards, plus what’s more than a good feeling, is I’ll have actually done something. Yet, somehow, I just don’t feel like it. Physically, I’m tired and not in the mood. Somehow, I feel like that’s an okay excuse to not do anything…but I know it’s not.

I’ve also been thinking about crafting stories, and Ganga, and trying to craft the Exodus story with her---it does seem like it would be so much better/faster if we could craft the rest of the stories with English speakers…ugh…who can I talk to about this? Of course, who could I craft stories with who speaks English? Maybe Hema, or Geetu? They are so “not-Kahani” though, the storie would lost a lot…

I guess, though- I learned a lot of that from the time spent with Ganga…and of course testing in the villages. But, can that knowledge by applied to crafters who don’t know anything about village life?

I don’t know. I guess the traveling back and forth to Ganga’s village just seems like a lot- and perhaps there is a short-cut somewhere. But where? Could she come here? She has to care for her parents, I don’t think she could come here. Maybe we could work something out, where I went for 2-3 days a week- then I came back, and she came for one night (2 days)- and in-between I could get stories back-translated, sent to Judy…

I can also take just day trips there. But it seems like to work for only 2 hours on 1-2 stories…but to spent 5-6 hours in getting there/eating/chatting/and coming back just doesn’t seem to add up. I suppose I could try to be more firm and say, I have to do other work, I can’t stay…but it’s so hard to say no- and relationships are important. If I don’t stay, if I don’t eat, if I don’t take the time to chat, she probably won’t feel loved/cared for and thus won’t be happy to do stories.

I really want to do what’s best for the work- but perhaps spending forever getting to a village just to get a sloppy recording isn’t the best for the work. True, she can do some good recordings, and her story-telling is much more natural than Precious's- but the other thing is, I’m not sure she really understands the stories- it sounds more like she has memorized them. And while her words may be more natural and some of the phrases- if she hasn’t really understood them, than most likely the way she’s told them would be hard for a listener to understand too.

I’m also wondering how easy should a story be for someone to retell- no one has EVER retold ALL of a story perfectly…is that bad? Haha…sounds bad, doesn’t it? But then again, are they supposed to be able to retell it perfectly? I guess they should be- maybe after 4-5 times of hearing it…but who would take time to listen to a story 4-5 times? Those long stories the old women know in the villages, I wonder how many times they had to listen to that story before they could retell it?

It’s strange to think in 6 months I may go home. Not for good- but for the family vacation…wow- amazing. I can hardly wait and can even hardly contain the idea.