I started thinking today, during our prayer time today, that one day, I won’t be here anymore. In fact, this time next near, I won’t be here – this is my last December 10 in "Kahan"- most likely. Time is flying by, really.
After I leave, I won’t hear Precious's voice singing loudly “Shout to the Lord.” I won’t see look of surprise and wonder on the village women’s faces when they hear me talk in their language. I won’t taste the daal and rice- the watery kind in the village, or Panna’s nice thick kind in our home. I won’t hear Nathan tell me again how these stories will never be finished. I won’t see his reaction when he completes a story- or tells it to someone else. I won’t feel the cold wind blow through me as I drive the motorcycle down the mountains back from a crafting session. I won’t feel the heat of the sun, and the sweat dripping down my back as I trek to a village.
I won’t be surrounded by children asking, “take one more picture, one more, one more…” I won’t feel the scratching of the grass in my hair after returning from the river and cutting grass with the village women. I won’t wonder about where to go to the bathroom. I won’t wonder if I’ll eat once or twice the following day. I won’t hear people say, “I love this story,” or “Tell this story again, I want to learn it.” I won’t hear people say, “You are like my daughter, we are your family here.” I won’t wear six layers of clothes at once (unless we’re sledding, maybe). I won’t have soup at least 5 times a week for dinner. I won’t have a habit of sleeping in three difference places within one week. I won’t hear people say, “This is (or isn't!) a good story.”
I will feel the warmth of a heater. I will see lots of white people as opposed to dark skinned people. I will hear my language being spoken by everyone! I will taste taco salad, and ice cream on a frequent basis- or as much as I like. I’ll actually have more of a variety in choice about what I wear, where I go, and what I eat. I will have electricity 100% of the time, I think. I will have more than just two people to talk to in my language. I will miss my neighbors calling to me from their porch, asking how I am, or why my clothes don’t match, or if I've eaten breakfast yet.
I will wonder what Ganga, Nathan and Precious are doing and if they have forgotten all the stories. I will wonder about Anne's aunt, and if the stories she heard had any impact at all. I will think about the first draft of our creation story, to the last draft and how much it changed. I will have a car versus a motorcycle. I will sit in front of the fire in the winter, and next to the pool in the summer. I will cut grass with a lawn mower as opposed to a knife. I will carry things using my hand, not my head. I will go trekking for recreation, not out of necessity. Bathing will not be an hour long process, and will not be determined by the outside temperature, or the electrical current, or how long it has been since the last time I had bathed.
Of course, there will still be traffic. There will still be food occasionally I don’t care for. There will still be cold and hot weather. There will still be times I can’t communicate- either in my language or another. There will still be people who don’t like what I have to say, and others who love it. There will still be things I love and hate. There will still be exciting and encouraging moments, and discouraging and frustrating ones. There will still be emails to write and calls to make.
Somehow, I’m already anticipating the emotion I will feel when it comes time to leave. Yes, I’ll be happy in many ways- but actually, so sad in many other ways. I don’t know exactly what my emotions might be, but I can anticipate that it will be hard- even leaving now, would be hard…there is still so much work to do- so many people who need to hear…we are only two people…and Nathan, Precious, Ganga are only three more….how much can we do? Of course, the number of people who have interacted with these stories is so much more than that- but still….
How will they all know?
Lord, please do something amazing among these people. They need you so bad- like we do, like I do- I need you, every day I need you. Help me to realize that every day, and help these people to see their need for you too…
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