Burned out... (Journal Entry)

Anyway, I’m feeling burned out somewhat…and unsure of what to do next in this project. It’s not that I don’t have things to do. I have too many to count, so many things that I even forgot something important I needed to do….

You know what, I think I’m feeling overwhelmed by it all- and stressed because I don’t know the answers…I know I never will know the answers, but even just a few hints would be helpful, you know?

Do I go to the village regardless of if Judy responds to my email or not? There are things to change in the stories, but if she doesn’t respond, would it be just a waste? No, nothing’s ever a waste, but with so much to do- is it the wisest way to spend time?

Anyway…Father, give me wisdom- help me to have PAITENCE…I feel a little bit like I’m just rushing through this- even knowing that another recording will be necessary, but part of me just doesn’t care, I just want to get it done. I know these thoughts are wrong, and I need to wait and take a step back and enjoy it too…

(picture: Ganga ["Grace"]- a new story-crafter)

Precious said today that people don’t really see how God can forgive them. She also told Robin another day that we can’t do sins against God directly, only to other people. Wow- these are things that are MAJOR in getting the gospel communicated- how then can it be accomplished? How will these people know about you? Will they ever? I’m crying for them now. Precious, Ganga, Aunty, Uncle, Ulka, our landlord and his family, Ganga’s aunt, her mother, her father, her several brothers and their wives. What about the principal, the dukandars (shopkeepers) upstairs, the neighbors we gave cakes too, the neighbor who wanted to know where You came from, and why You died. The village we first lived in, Joyti, Bicky, his wife, their parents, their brothers, Deepa, Gaitree, Panna.

What will it take? When will we know? Will we ever know? Will we ever see them turn to you? What else do they need? How can these stories be exciting? These stories need to be ones THEY WANT TO TELL…and REALLY BELIEVE….

Yes, we are getting some recordings- but they are just recordings. They are even fairly biblical. But, so what- we can easily have someone translate the Book- hey they are already doing that- we can have someone read that into a recorder, and play it- we can even get them to use emotion…but to TELL a STORY…what will it take? Why haven’t we reached that point yet? How can I work with Ganga, who doesn’t speak English, how can I communicate to her, how can I get her to have motivation to work on stories? How can I also have patience to know when to stop working and focus on building the relationship?

There just seems to be so much to do…so much to do…and as if the work that needs to be done is just mundane stuff- the recordings aren’t even exciting…the stories are confusing in English, let alone another language…no wonder Ganga can’t get it…

Father, show me what to do…please, clearly show me...

Here are some lyrics I’ve heard recently...

Lord I’ll count it all joy, when my travels close me in on every side.
Lord, I’ll count it all joy, when this road of faith runs through the darkest night.
For I know your at work in me.
Yes, I know, your provide all the grace I’ll need.

You have always been my rock
I will trust you forever, forever.
You have never failed me God.
I’ll trust you forever, forever.

Lord, I’ll count it all joy, when the weight of sorrow draws me to my knees.
Every heartache and pain, in your mighty hands as your forming Christ in me.
And I know that your word is true.
Yes, I know every trial you’ll pull me through.