Breaking point... (Journal Entry)

I do feel like I’m bending to the point of breaking in some ways. I had a long talk with Nathan today about story stuff. Some was encouraging, but most was frustrating, He’s frustrated- just trying to understand things, and I’m frustrated for the same reasons he is- why do we have to keep making these changes, and knowing that it will NEVER be perfect…

It was okay, but hard…I wanted to cry as Nathan asked for the 10th time, “tell me, do you have one story that has been finished as of yet? Will you ever? What is the point, what is the aim? Why? The first story- why is it not done yet???

I explained, “The girl who did our first stories, she helped us for a little while, but then left the work- and the stories she did have mistakes in them. Tomorrow, I’m going to another village basically start over again…and I have no idea if it will work or not. If not, I’ll have to try and find someone else, and start over again…” I wanted to ask him, “Do you think I’m not frustrated by all this? Do you think I want to keep doing these stories? I’m trying to keep my enthusiasm so someone here is excited about this…but how do you think I feel driving over here daily in the freezing cold, rain…and then driving home in the dark- I’m here from America without my family, I don’t even know the language…you think I’m enjoying doing the stories over and over and over again?

I’m not sure if he ever got how I felt, I tried to remain calm. If I had gone too much into it, I would have cried, and both his cousin and sister were sleeping in the other room, and if I had cried in front of him, I’m not sure how that would have made him feel…what to do?

Anyway, there is much to do- I have to get ready to start over on the stories tomorrow….and have to figure out how to say everything in Kahani…and, have to pack and figure out how much stuff to take, and what to take and what not to take…and have to get the stories ready to go…