Guess I'm still supposed to be here (Almost an email to Mommy)

Mommy,

So, I don’t think I’ll send this because it would be too hard for me to write and tell you, and too hard for you to receive…but I'll pretend to write it, at least write until you call…hopefully you will call soon…

I feel tonight like I want to come home. I just want to be back, with Trisha, Rahul- on the couch, eating Taco Bell, hanging out. Gajju fdgiting with some new gadget…
I want to come home and eat taco salad out on the porch. I want to come cut the grass in the hot sun. I want to jump in the pool, I want to let Natalie sleep over in my room. I want to drive my car. I want to stare out my window and wonder what in the world I’m doing at home. No, I don’t want to do that, but after all the fun and enjoyment, I could see myself doing that…Just sitting or standing, looking out the window, wondering what I’m doing there…

Guess, I’m still supposed to be here, huh? I mean, I know I am. But…even more so when I have longings of home and then come to a point where I realize that even those desires would wear out after some time…

Then I look out the window here- the people, the mountains…how could I leave? At least, right now- in the middle of the Cain and Abel story? How could I just leave? Of course, I couldn’t, and won’t…another 18 months…and then…actually who knows what will come after that? Home for a while, or not…or…what? Home for some time, for sure…but then…?

And yet, my Father will take care of me- as He has…He is awesome, and knows my needs and desires. He is in control over everything.

Here is a song that I’ve really enjoyed the past few days.

For you are Awesome, God of the nations
Light of Judah, Rock of the Ages
Alpha, Omega
Worthy of all praise
For that, these hands are raised