Gaitree: It’s a festival today.
Me: really, which one?
Gaitree: Shivjee- you know the god who was in that cultural story we were doing yesterday, that god.
Me: is it his birthday, or the day he got married, or …?
Gaitree: his birthday…I think, maybe…yeah, I think so. So many people will go to the temple today
Me: Will you go?
Gaitree: yes.
Panna: will you go? (asking me)
Me: Me? No, I won’t go.
Panna: why not?
Me: well…because…I don’t worship shivjee.
Panna: why not?
Me: --silence—trying to figure out what to say!
Gatiree: she doesn’t like shivjee (saying this the same way you say, ‘she doesn’t like green grass to eat’)
Me: I laughed, Gaitree laughed, Panna also kind-of laughed- I wasn’t sure what to say, but this kind-of seemed like a good balance between, “I don’t believe in your god,” and “I just don’t worship him.”
I then said: “Nothing will happen. If I pray to Shivjee, nothing will happen…
Panna: something will…
Me: actually, if I pray to Shivjee, only bad can happen…
Panna: no…
Gaitree: that’s the way, everyone just worships their own god, then it’s okay.
The conversation trailed off and changed to chasing moneys, or gathering wood, I can’t remember. But still, it was the first conversation I’ve had with Gaitree or Panna about my personal beliefs potentially contradicting their beliefs. It wasn’t necessarily contradicting, but I am sure Panna wasn’t expecting me to say that. It is certainly contradictory to what she would think- “if we worship shivjee, them perhaps something good will happen…” But then Gaitree’s statement seemed to diffuse it all, “everyone can just worship their own god…”
Anyway, perhaps Panna, even more than Gaitree, will ponder what I thought and wonder why bad things could happen. Will they ever see You? Can you show Yourself to them? I know You can- will you please? Before they die? Before I leave this place also?
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